Wednesday, March 6, 2013

(W)REC(K) A BOOK: Heller

UPDATE
NEW COVER!!!
*And loving it*

***************


Do NOT judge this book by its cover.



Telly is an aspiring actress living with her best friend and two other people in a rundown apartment trying to survive. But she's been having poor luck, and a desperate need to find a job or live on the streets has her going in for an interview at Heller's, a security company that piqued her interest among the boring advertisements. She gets the job, and we're in for a treat as her life becomes hilarious and action-packed with her new clients, and a squeal-worthy boss, Heller.

While on the ride, she becomes close with the residents of Heller, particularly Heller's selected family, all whom she grows to care for as she figures out what she wants in life.




OKAY! I love this book so much, it was entertaining all the way and kept me up til the sun came right back up the other end of the sky! Seriously, this is so not healthy but here I am, zombified, needing desperately to rave about how great this book was. It was AHH. MAAAZZZ. UHH... HINNNGGGGG.
*Her zombie speech for 'amazing'*
Like, SERIOUSLYYY I had to stop myself from laughing at two in the morning so I didn't wake up the house. And at 3. And 4. And 5. And all the hours until I stopped. If anything I actually started to read painfully slow in order to keep from reaching the end. But of course, like all good things, it must come to an end. T__________T

Tilly is so hilarious and she really is like a trouble-magnet, I mean who the hell has that much bad luck?
*Bella. Bella Swan does.*
*Yeah but she married a vampire and gets to live young forever-*
*According to Alice, she's prone to life-threatening idiocy-*
Ah, enough! ... Okay so she's an aspiring actress but so far she's landed these horrible jobs, and her last one as a dancing fruit ends in a REALLLY EMBARRASSING MOMENT when her dick of a boss says 'the zipper's broken' and he can't get her out of it, and she's forced to wear it while taking the bus. What's worse! The bus is filled with nothing but school boys and construction workers! No laughter and leer spared there, obviously. AND when she gets home to ask her friend for help, it turns out the zipper was never broken! You can bet she was pissed for trusting the wanker.

She's so fed up with what she currently has but she refuses to back off. The last thing she wants is to hear another Lecture from her dad and she refuses to ask for more money, so after going out with her friend (Dixie) for some drinks, she decides that she has no choice and must get a job, or live off the streets as a bum. Well, okay, it was more like get a paying job or fuck the gross landlord, but you know what I mean.

Tilly finds the ad for Heller's, and when she gets there, she's introduced to the first of the Heller family pack, a Goth high school kid named Niq. It's kinda funny cause for the longest time in the chapter she can't figure out if he's a girl or boy, lol. So they take the lift (elevator) and get stuck and he calls for Daniel, which gets Niq reprimanded because he knows the lift is ancient and dangerous. So he gets pulled out first, but he accidentally kicks Tilly in the nose, causing it to bruise and bleed. Then when it's her turn to get lifted out, he-

OH GOD I JUST REALIZED TILLY'S LAST NAME IS CHALMERS.
LIKE THE DRAMA TEACHER I ONCE HAD IN HIGH SCHOOL WHOSE EXPERIENCE BOTH SCARRED ME AND MADE ME APPRECIATE HIM.
GOD THIS MAKES ME CRINGE...

I'm over it.
Anyways, Daniel can't get her out, so he calls Heller, the Boss, and he gets her out no problem. They're all foreigners by the way, which I suppose somehow makes them very intimidating wherever this book is set in. I'm thinking Australia solely because the author is an Aussie, but I first assumed it was in England, because London was mentioned. Then again it doesn't actually SAY it so I have no clue right now where this is taking place. I'm too tired to figure it out.Daniel's got a huge scar on his face from eye to mouth, but he's still handsome. Niq is of course Goth with a sweet smile. And then there's Heller. Tall, sexy as hell and a cold mother-lover (yeah I ain't that delirious to swear) of a man.
*Dude, you swore like two paragraphs ago*
*Fick dich.*
Her interview is another laughing fest that also made me cringe in humiliation for her, but she took it like a pro! You go girl. Even though she had no experience, he called her on every 'experience' she fluffed to sound more professional. Heller acts like a know-it-all because he investigated her, and then when she's had enough, she says he doesn't know everything about her, because he hadn't known about her fruit-dancing gig, but she'd never tell him that. Then exploding glass shards are flying everywhere and instead of going crazy, she lets Heller holler (lol) for one of his security men to take her to the other room, and then after a while of composing herself, she goes back to his office to get her purse so she can get the hell out of there. However, he stops her and says they aren't done yet, wants to know what he had overlooked, and she tells him, which sends him in barely-contained laughter, and then when she's about to leave, he tells her the paying rate.

***DING DING DING***

As a girl on call, she gets to live in the place she dubbed the Warehouse for free, eat the store of food they have for free, enjoy the gym (ha) and hot tub on the roof for free, and get monthly manni-peddi-hair-skin-facial-massages! For free. She's got the LIFE. And then her first day of work comes, when she has to watch a paying client's wife while he's at meetings, and from there she realizes that it isn't as easy as she thought it'd be. Her first client is a PSYCHO who gets her into so many bad situations it isn't even funny (unless Heller's there to laugh at her when she's not getting killed) and I loved how Heller was so sweet and nice to her despite being cool and aloof. He was almost like the reassurance that he'd always be there for her.

Well, at least that's how I'd first thought of him, until I found out with Tilly that he "goes out" because he's a MAN. Then I'm just depressed and sad because I don't know why but it always makes me sad when one of the main characters is off doing bible work with someone while the other person meant for him is like,
"I barely know him, he can do what he wants"
and I'm like,
"NO HE CANNOT DO WHATEVER THE BLOODY HELL HE WANTS."
But then SHE has to go and snog with the science teacher and then go out on a date with him,
and I'm like,
 "Does no one see how messed up this is???"

They both want each other but she doesn't want to fuck the boss, and then he's all

but she's like, "No, that's not right! You're my boss!"

On the other hand, I'm glad they don't have sex til like, the fourth book or something, because then it builds up their finally being together (which I read somewhere that the sex was well worth the wait).  And I mean, he's pretty hardcore in the killer department, so it'll take at least three books before she breaks down his walls and gets him to open up to her. And yeah, I read the synopsis of the other books. I would've resisted except the third book said, "Heller's Girlfriend" with a blonde figure holding his hand!!!! I was like OH HELL NO WHAT!? And then of course I read all the reviews and concluded that in the second book, Tilly does end up with Will as in the reviews of the third/fourth book, it described her trying to figure out her feelings for Heller while her new boyfriend makes demands to meet his needs. So from what I read, I conclude that:

While she works hard and dangerous jobs, she gets a boyfriend in Will, Heller does his scary revenge-psycho-killer-against-assholes shit and then gets a girlfriend (since Tilly has a boyfriend) and then he breaks up with her (WISHFUL THINKING) and is now free for Tilly to think about while she still deals with her boyfriend.... okay so that doesn't sound as good as I'd like, but the fifth book is called, "Heller's Decision" so I'm happily assuming that he DECIDES to be with her.... unless this isn't the end, then I hope he isn't deciding something scary like not being with her- which now that I think about it, doesn't make sense. Cause then there'd be an angry mob (me) of people (1) pissed that they don't end up together. SSSOOO I'm assuming they end up together.

Throughout this book, when she wasn't thinking lusty (or bad) things about Heller and doing her job as a female bodyguard, she bonded with Niq and Daniel. I was sad when I heard about Daniel's story and touched at how Niq was starting to really accept her as a part of the family. My favorite scene was when they went to the mall, although she did act pretty stupid in arrogantly sticking up to the idiots crudely teasing Niq (her beautiful boy, I quote) and Daniel. I'd have done the same thing, but the minute one of them came up to me, I'd have maced their asses so Daniel didn't have to step in to save my ass. Then again, it was because of that incident that it put him in a bad mood, which then allowed her to hear his story later on when she went up on the roof to check on him. So I guess her stupidity on that part can be forgiven...

As far as I know, JD Nixon is the first Australian author I've fallen for! I also happened to get her other book from another series... something about Little Towns? Hopefully it's as enjoyable as this one. :)

Highly recommend!
It's not YA though, but considering that I LOVE it and it's not fiction (well, I mean there's no magical dragons puffing about or anything, it's set in 'reality') that's saying something.


As C. says, Much Smiles and Laughter
Happy Reading :)

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